It’s been quite a rough time lately, hence why not blogged for a while. I have so much going on in my life that is good I almost feel guilty. I am actually in danger of being in receipt of everything that I have been working towards and yet this is my lowest point since being released from prison. Mental health is a funny thing, there you are rolling along nicely with no problems, well none that can’t be overcome easily, and bang back on the floor. I also hate talking to people about it, I feel as if I’m demanding attention and therefore keep most things to myself. However, I am getting better at sharing, yet again though in doing so it makes me feel vulnerable and I end up shutting myself off.
I believe this latest episode stems from an assessment I had recently regarding my mental health, it opened up old wounds, which is my argument here, it seems whenever I access services I find myself having to go over the reasons for my mental health, which I understand is needed but doesn’t do any good for my mental health, you have to go over things in detail so many times it’s impossible for it not to leave you jaded. Then the reviews just stop, leaving you in limbo. I am fortunate that I have an incredible support team behind me (thank you Grace and Donna). It feels me with dread wondering in what state I would be in without this support, yet there are thousands out there fighting the system by themselves with no support.
I have some amazing things coming up in relation to my journey, I am due to speak as guest speaker on prison related issues at a University, I have a meeting booked with a headmaster at a local school in the hope to create a workshop for schools relating to prison and parents in prison. DRB support, my own company I wish to create, is coming to fruition with some exciting developments, I am even in talks to set up my own mobile phone network. The mobile phone app that I have been working on is very close to getting to market. So much more as well that I am yet unable to confirm. Therefore can someone please explain to me why I am on the floor. It doesn’t make sense, but then mental health doesn’t make sense.
Onwards and upwards though, I am giving myself this weekend to wallow in whatever self pitying bullshit I can possibly muster, then tomorrow the battle shall commence once again.