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So after being released from Runwell I went back to Canvey, things weren’t the same though, I was out of work, still not feeling great, in a relationship I didn’t care about and started drinking again. It all come to head on Christmas day that year, her family were there, Mum, Dad, Sister, Brother in law, Nan, her three kids and her sisters two. I had cooked a lovely Christmas dinner, roast potatoes best I had ever made them. Her mum and dad were also staying at ours, her Nan at her sisters. Then out of nowhere, I was in the kitchen, she came up to me and said she don’t love me know more and wants me out, there had been no argument, I was getting on fine with everybody, but BOOM!!!!!. I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do, It’s Christmas Day, my mate who I did a bit of work for lived opposite, so she said to go and ask him if I can stay there, I felt well embarrassed but also felt I had no option, he had people round, I couldn’t do it and instead said I had come round to wish them Happy Christmas, I stayed for about an hour, then went back saying he couldn’t put me up, I was allowed to stay in the converted garage for the night with the promise I’d be gone in the morning. In the morning I managed to find a bed sit for boxing day night. I was in my room drinking, getting more angry with each mouthful. My decision, to go to the local pub and start a fight with the biggest geezer in there and just take a kicking. I followed through with my plan, but this guy must have seen it through, coz we ended up outside talking and I just spilled my guts over a couple of beers and a few joint’s. Funny how life throws these situations up sometimes.

That night, I spoke to the boys mum and she agreed to let me stay there, it was great to be with my boys again, and Reece was only just over two months old, but Canvey left a feeling of unfinished business behind, I hated the feeling. Just before new year I started talking to the one in Canvey again, she said she was sorry and about trying again and build things up slowly. I honestly believe it was because of the feeling I had because I didn’t love this girl, out of her three daughters, only the eldest liked me, the other two made it as difficult as possible, so what was I going back to, especially being with my two boys. I’m afraid that curiosity always wins, or I think the grass is greener. I stayed on the sofa while I was there and got a job with Argos, on nights, on the reach trucks in the massive Basildon Warehouse, it didn’t work out, too many available scams, suspicion was enough. I then got a job back in the double glazing game, with a company in Benfleet, I then managed to get a cheap room in one of the biggest move mistakes ever in my life, and I have had a few moves. The house was run by this geezer in his late sixties, I did not like him at all, but it was cheap and I needed out. It would not surprise me if he’s still alive that he’s in jail for being a nonce. I really started to hit the drink bad, I was buying beer to its calorific value as I had convinced myself I was getting the nutrients I needed from the beer and didn’t need to waste my money buying too much food, I was in a terrible state, whilst trying to hold down a job. Also at the time I was still on community service, I was spending 7 hours up at a school in Benfleet, every Sunday. I had met this guy Peter on there, we got on well, told him about the place I was staying, he went on to tell me that he has got this caravan on a site but it don’t open till March, March till November can stay there. He proper bigged it up. so, come March I jog the old geezer on for rent and make my way to this amazing caravan with Peter. As we were getting close I should have taken the sight of an old Morris Car, with a black and white number plate, as a sign. I honestly thought I had gone back in time, this caravan, and the fucking state of it, would not have looked out-of-place on the set of ‘Heartbeat’. We had electric but only one thing at a time could be plugged in or it blew the fuse, it was a nightmare. On night three I got a call from the boys mum, I told her my situation and she told me she would come and pick me up the next morning, which she did. Things improved for a while for us. I had transferred my community service back to East London, I was working at the Beckton sports centre, in fact that’s where I watched England win the 2003 Rugby world cup, with the awesome drop goal from our Jonny Wilkinson, what a game!!. Later on that year, 2003, my mates wife was allegedly raped by the caretaker from the local school, he, if he did it, got away with it. It was summer 2004, I had recently copped a common assault charge for a fight I had outside the Funky Buddha Club up West, I got proper stung, two-year probation, Aggression Replacement Therapy and a 56 day tag. I was redecorating the bathroom and had to stop as I had a probation appointment in Stratford. I went to my appointment and bumped into a mate, we went for a quick drink, half nine that night I got off the bus pissed near mine, my curfew was ten. I had enough time to go to the offy and get the boys mum a bottle of wine as a half arsed attempt at an apology. As I cut through, lo and behold, there was this rapist and his uncle working on their car. They looked up at me, I just turned round and said “What you looking at you dirty rapist”, they both got in my face, then the uncle whacks me in the side with a brick, cracking a rib I later found out, with that the rapist has dived at and grabbed my legs, taking me to the floor. The uncle has then got his knee on my chest, the silly fucker then had his arm right near my mouth, I took about a two-inch chunk out of his arm, that’s what the paperwork and photos showed at the subsequent trial. He moved sharpish, then I felt the brick, grabbed it and started hitting the rapist whose still wrapped round my legs, I then managed to get up, a few more digs got thrown and I walked off, had to get back before my curfew, on the way home I noticed blood on my hands and wanted to get it off before getting home, I stopped at my mates, I was only there 5 minutes if that and the old bill turned up. I got nicked for two GBH Sec 18’s, possession of an offensive weapon and criminal damage. The outcome of which is a story for another time. I got remanded to HMP Pentonville for this one. The catalyst for 14 months being the longest amount of time I spent out of prison from then, July 2004 until my release June 09th 2017.

I do not write to glorify my life merely it is and was my life.

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