Book NOW!!!!!!

Along with “if you can’t do the time don’t do the crime”, the term “prison is like a holiday camp” are two phrases that if I’m honest used to be like a red rag to a bull and with steam emanating from my ears I’d violently type my retort. Nowadays though, I just snort my consternation and don’t even bother responding to probably two of the most unintelligent, ignorant, uncaring and mind-numbing comments associated with our prisons. I forgot to mention lazy as well.

I mean, let’s be honest. The majority of those in our prisons will be released one day. So unless you’re a follower of another asinine phrase, the “lock ’em up and throw away the key” brigade surely it makes sense that those who have committed a crime are not only supported in doing the time but also provided with purposeful and meaningful opportunities that enable them to turn away from crime.

We should also take another look at those who are residing in our prisons and ask if they really needed to be in there in the first place. We have many numbers of over tariff prisoners who are not even being provided with the opportunities to prove their risk has dropped. Yet, those past tariffs no longer hold the burden of proof on risk, that is the parole boards burden to prove those over tariff are still a high risk of threat to the public, but the system does not provide enough opportunities for the parole board to be able to release. How’s that for catch 22?

Don’t forget, the sentence is no longer in existence.

Add into the mix the high rates of suicide, self-harm and serious assaults.

And now COVID.

👌Some holiday camp.

So, to help the “prison is like a holiday camp” gang get a better feel for what they can expect if, God forbid, things ever went tits up for them or someone they care about and they ended up in a place I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy – perspectives eh? – I thought I’d write a blog highlighting the accommodation and entertainment on offer at one of Her Majesty’s holiday camps.

Please note that collection points are only located at police stations and law-courts. Your ticket will only be valid from your designated collection point. Here’s one of our coaches arriving at one of our flagship resorts.


Once ‘inside’ you’ll be directed to the reception area. Depending on the time of your arrival you may even be able to spot the entertainment troupe on their way to perform in one of the many buildings on the grounds.

Here’s a picture of a troupe arriving at a camp in the West Midlands.

Before being booked in by reception you are asked to perform a strip-tease, then once booked in and had your luggage searched and removed “we’ll come back to that”, along with your freedom of choice and dignity, you’ll be escorted to one of our accommodation blocks. Most rooms have storage, en-suite facilities along with a wealth of activities and a guest book available on all walls.

Menus are done on a pre-selected basis and we ask that you return them ASAP upon arrival to your accommodation block.


All meals are served by our friendly catering staff.

We operate a collect ‘n’ go service from our award-winning servery.


Don’t forget our award-winning traditional roast dinners too!


You can enjoy activities such as football, although you do have to be careful of the local dog walkers:

In the warmer months, there is also a roof terrace although access to the roof area can be awkward.

If all the above hasn’t whetted your appetite and got you picking up the phone to book then maybe the following facts and figures will motivate you to do so.



The above two pages are taken from Bromley Briefings Prison Factfile Winter 2019 (full version)

“prison is like a holiday camp”?

Book NOW!!!!!

2 thoughts on “Book NOW!!!!!!

  1. Brilliant, biting, accurate, funny, bitter and important for those who think they know to read several times and understand that this is the reality and that people come out of prison determined and able to succeed through their own determination, with the support of others inside with a commitment to genuinely help people change their lives, and through a lot of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s