How those children evolve following an ACE or ACEs primarily comes down to two things:
1. Us adults and
2. How early the intervention.
The child also should play their part and rightly so, but we cannot wait for them to tell us, we have to ask them.
When a two-year-old toddler plays up on the floor in the bread aisle of your local Tesco’s (other supermarkets and local shops are available) it is called The Terrible Twos. Something that many, many, many parents/carers have experienced. Yet, we do not call being seven sullen. Or nine numbing. Or call the emotional year of eleven emotional, thirteen not tragic or the fucked-up years of fifteen, Seventeen and sentenced although terrible still is not a term. There is, however, a term that is used to describe a part of a child’s life similar to the one above, two in fact, we call them ‘challenging and disruptive’ and I do not know why.
Why they are called ‘challenging and disruptive’ is not in dispute, it is simply because they are exhibiting ‘challenging and disruptive’ behaviour, that part cannot be denied. However, I do not know why they are ‘challenging and disruptive’ because I have not asked them why. I’ve not had the opportunity.
I saw a wonderful quote the other day from a professor that really resonated with me he said something similar like ‘that for far too long we have asked our children “what is wrong with you?” rather than “what has happened to you?”.
I sometimes sit and reflect on what path my life may have taken if the latter question was put to me other than the former being shouted at me, or at my back as I slammed yet another door?
I think it is time for all us adults, all society, to take a moment and reflect. Were you ever listened to as a child, and what did it feel like not being listened to?
I’m not an abolitionist but I’d rather see our children NOT being put in custody. However, I also believe that people, who for want of a better phrase, are hard-work in society should be removed from that society for a while and allow society to put their feet up with a cuppa just for some peace for a bit.
But! Not just for the sake of it. There has to be a purpose behind it other than mere punishment.
Or is it only retribution/revenge we are after from our criminal justice system?
Do not forget, I’m only talking about our children, who also, don’t forget, will evolve into adults.
Children who are going through an ACE (s) right now or children who have suffered from an ACE (s) are victims.
When did putting victims in custody become right, or even a thing?