So, today was a rather strange experience and all I did was walk to our local Tesco for a few bits we needed. Woe betide my day if I failed to return with treats for our Staffie, Frankie and our cat, Millie. Anyway, I digress.
As I was walking through my quiet village a van pulled up just in front of me suddenly. My immediate reaction was to scan the area for something I could use as a weapon to defend myself. I was conscious of the thought process I was going through almost straight away and it hit me hard. I was like, WTF. Why did I even need to consider that course of action?
It got me thinking some more about certain situations since my very last release from prison. It was the feeling of a threat not that there was an actual threat. A threat clearly made up in my mind, however, with reflection I realised that in almost every situation my first thought was to find something to defend myself with. And here I am going on about how much I’ve reformed my character.
It wasn’t something I’d given much thought to before. The threat wasn’t real each time, so there was nothing to worry about. But what if one of the situations was real and I wasn’t just being paranoid?
Regardless of how unlikely it would be these days.
What would happen next?
I’d like to think I would do the right thing. But it certainly got me thinking and thinking some more.
I suppose I can view it along the lines of thoughts are one thing, actions are another and being aware of it may not stop the thoughts but will hopefully prevent the wrong actions.
I’m definitely going to stick with rehabilitation is an attitude and not a destination.